crap. I just had an epiphany!

I was just reading my friend's blog, and she wrote something that resonated with me so strongly, I had a full-on Capital E Epiphany!!!

She had written a review of The September Issue, which we saw together on the weekend - seriously awesome doco, can't wait to see it again. Her final paragraph:

"All in all though, the film made me realise that I look to and dream about the grass being greener way too much! I’ve always imagined that other women have more glamorous lives than me or that I should have done X, Y and Z to be more fun or had a better career or look more fashionable. What I need to do now is be true to myself, achieve what I want achieve and enjoy what I have right this minute!"

I've had a completely indulgent, you-don't-have-time-for-this-you-have-sooo-much-work-on-you'll-be-up-till-3am!! browse of the net this morning, mainly dipping into blogs of other people's seemingly fabulous lives.

They all seem glam, exciting, fun, and interesting, and thin, and fashionable and amazing. By comparison, I felt slightly boring, frumpy and uninteresting.

And then I read Pink Ardor's blog, and I had the exact same "grass is greener" lightbulb moment that she had! I have a pretty fabulous life of my own and I never give it enough credit, because I'm always judging it based on what's missing, rather than what's already there.

A few of my most common, most annoying "future self" brain biscuits include:

I can't wait to own my own house, so I can paint the walls and decorate how I really want to.

I can't wait to have a big backyard, so I can plant a veggie garden.

I can't wait to have a veggie garden, so I can eat more healthily.

And then the big one, for me:

I can't wait till I'm less busy, so I can finally start writing my book.

I remember when I worked in-house as a magazine journalist, I couldn't wait to have a freelance career, so I could spend more time 'out and about', reading magazines at cafes and exercising every day, 'cause I'd have no excuse not to.

And undoubtedly, my lifestyle now as a full-time freelancer is much more flexible than before, but it's not all cupcakes and picnics. Pitching for work and chasing invoices and following up leads, and then actually writing and doing the work - it all takes time! Lots of time. I love and enjoy what I do, but it's still work.

So, I wonder if most of women are like this?! Are we all afflicted by this 'grass is greener' disease, and always looking at what we don't have, rather than what we do?

I'm sick of this attitude in myself, so I'm vowing to change it right now. As of today, I'm going to write something - anything - that vaguely fits into the outline of my book, every single day. Even if it's only a sentence, I'll write something each day and save it in my scary 'BOOK' folder. Including weekends. It's on!

J, thanks again for your blog post. You're inspiring and fabulous in so many ways :)